i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
