I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
That accounts for only three of the penises
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
