do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
