I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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