Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
