Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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