What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
