I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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