How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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