He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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