Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
