At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I have post one night stand depression
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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