you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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