Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
