dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
