So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
