I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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