so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize