I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
