First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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