you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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