I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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