conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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