So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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