Swine flu. Run for my life!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
