Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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