He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
