The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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