also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
