Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
