Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
