the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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