Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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