Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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