8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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