Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
