so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
