please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
