Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
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They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
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I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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