my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
