I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
