She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I love you. Go after that dick
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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