you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
