What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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