Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
