The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
