so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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