also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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