Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
