Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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