remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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