Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
