So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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