captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
When are your genitals available?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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