Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
