I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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