So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
