You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
