i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
