it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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