Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
