Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
