I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
