Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
