I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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